


Confronting Emotions

by cadkitten



Category: MUCC
Genre: Anal Play, Anal Sex, Angst, Explicit Language, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-11
Updated: 2008-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-13 23:10:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yukke's not quite ready to face his feelings for Tatsuro, but what can you do when the person closest to you essentially confronts you about why you're acting the way you are? Nothing to do, except lie or tell the truth...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confronting Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> Written for y!weekly prompt 030: Wonderland. What can I say? Some of you probably saw this coming a mile away and some of you are probably sitting there going "dude, what the fuck?!", but that's okay.

I don't know what it is about him, but I always find myself watching him from some darkened corner. It doesn't matter what he's doing, it could be as mundane as standing there, and I'd still watch. It's as though the simple act of his breath coming in and then puffing out ever so softly is fuel for my veins.

Maybe I sound crazy, and just maybe, I am. But even if I was, would it really matter all that much? He never seems to mind that I'm always near; the quiet presence on the edge of his senses. Or if he does mind, he's never said it. It's obvious that he knows I'm close though, just the slightest hint of a smile creeping onto his lips the instant I'm there.

It's taken me years to understand what it is that I feel for him. Years ago, I thought it was simple infatuation. After all, how could one not be drawn to someone with so much raw talent flowing through every single molecule of their body? Impossible not to be.

But then novelty wears off over time. Or rather, I'm told it should. So if it wasn't that, then I thought maybe he was something like my mentor. Odd when considering that I'm a bassist and he's a vocalist, but somewhat acceptable. Just one instrument in exchange for another.

I lived in that dream for more than a year, until I realized a mentor wouldn't share his entire _life_ with another. A mentor isn't any more than someone to guide you down a proper path, to guide you to be your best and to maintain that. But that's not at all how it is, or how it's ever been, between Tatsuro and I.

Four years in, I came closer than ever to realizing the truth. And yet, the entire truth remained at the fringes of that particular epiphany. I looked at him as my brother; the brother I never had. We shared everything that siblings would: conflict, inspiration, jealousy, rebellion, and most of all, emotion of every kind.

Then last year it hit me, like a ton of bricks, that I was horribly mistaken. One does not feel the volume of what I feel for a sibling or even their closest friend. What I'd felt for years and what I feel to this day is everything that one feels when in love.

I spent almost eleven months in sheer denial. How could I love my band mate and closest friend? And more than that, how could I possibly be in love with another man?! I believed with all my soul that I was straight and that the thought of being with a guy would turn me off faster than getting kicked in the balls.

But now... well, now we've been on tour since late February, consistently in one another's personal space. If being jammed into a small bus with him hadn't made me face what I really feel, I'm not sure what could have. I suppose that doesn't really matter anymore, since I have faced it. Head on, like a collision of the worst kind. Him going a million miles an hour in one direction and I in the other. A collision course of destiny, I suppose. A destiny of what, I still can't tell; but of something big for sure.

I shift ever so slightly as I watch the moonlight play off his hair. It makes him look so angelic, as though no one should ever want what I want, or even dream of it. It makes me feel ashamed to be watching him like this.

He's just sitting there, out in the moonlight by the wall of the building. I'm not even sure why he's there or even why he's all alone. Someone like Tatsuro should never be alone. He's too kind and perfect to be sitting there looking like the world is weighing on his heart and mind. I want to take that ache away. I'd take it all on myself and suffer until my very last day on earth, if only it'd make his smile meet his eyes.

What is it that he longs for so much, that he cannot find? Does his pain match mine on the inside? Or is he perfectly happy with someone back home again? I can't keep up anymore with that part of him. It's like he started to realize it was upsetting to me to know who he was with and when. Then again, it's not so hard to realize, when I'm more jealous than a teenager.

I rest my hand on the cool glass of the bus window and slowly let out the breath I hadn't realized I was holding. If only I could hold him, just for a moment. Maybe if we were like some of the other bands, then I could. Or maybe I'd just be even more lost, even more afraid of who I've become.

His head lifts and, for an instant, I feel like he's staring straight into my soul, like I've showed him all of my secrets in a single glance. But he can't know I'm here, the tour bus windows are tinted so much that it'd be impossible in the dark. Yet I feel like he can sense my presence here; like he doesn't need to see me to know. And then he's staring at the ground again.

The light in the bus behind ours goes out and he disappears into the darkness, blending into the wall and the pavement. I squint, trying desperately to discern his form in the last of the moonlight. Yet all I can see is his hair, still shining with the moon as though it searches only for him in the darkness. I rest my forehead against the glass as I drag both hands slowly downward. I'm leaving streaks behind, but I couldn't care less.

The clouds shift overhead and the moon peeks out just a little bit more, bathing him for just an instant in its light. My breath catches in my throat and my heart rate immediately speeds up. For the split second I can see him, his head's resting back against the brick behind him, a look of pure ecstasy on his face. His hand is shoved down his pants and while I can't see exactly what he's doing, I don't need to. It's all too obvious.

I breathe out a soft moan as the clouds slide back over the moon, once more hiding him from my view. I want him so badly. That much is obvious in how my body has reacted to even just a seconds worth of visual stimulation. My eyes slide closed and I desperately try to calm myself down. I can't possibly let myself do what I desire to do. What if someone caught me?

But then, what if someone caught him... just as I have? I never knew him to be a risk-taker like that. Maybe I'm hallucinating and he's not even really there, just a figment of my over-active imagination and under-fed libido. A shudder of longing runs through my body and my hands clench into fists against the window. My eyes remain squeezed shut, too afraid to find out if what I saw was a lie.

I have no idea how long I stayed like that or how I missed the sound of the bus door opening, but somehow I managed. His voice startles me out of my inner turmoil and I gasp, my body immediately tensing in trepidation of what's to come.

"Yukke?"

I keep my hands where they are, desperate to show him that at least I wasn't doing what I could have been. He sighs and then speaks again. From his tone it's obvious that he knows I'm paying attention to him now, despite the fact that I haven't responded.

"Are you okay?"

There's an undertone in his voice, telling me he has more to say, but that he won't. Slowly, I draw away from the window and turn so that I'm sitting in the seat the right way, my hands clenched tightly in my lap. I swallow hard, begging my voice to be as strong as I need it to be right now. "Yeah... why?"

He comes to stand closer and then squats down in front of me. "Look at me."

Heat rises to my cheeks as I hesitantly raise my gaze to meet his. He's got that look on his face, the one like he knows something I don't. But what can he know? I haven't done anything and he can't possibly see past my hands to the evidence of my betrayal.

His eyes seem to penetrate me as he studies first my eyes and then my entire face. I look away again, unable to stand his scrutiny for long. There's a tightness in my chest that shouldn't be there and a dull roaring in my ears that has nothing to do with loud music.

His hands come up and rest lightly on each thigh as he peers up at me from under the curtain of his black hair. We stay like that for the longest time; me hiding my eyes, scared out of my mind that he'll discover what he's done to me, and him simply watching me, that damned knowing look on his face.

Finally he shifts away and just sits on the floor, his back against the metal wall of the bus. I can't help but stare at him, wondering what he's found that made him move away like that. I can feel myself calming down, my arousal slowly dissipating. Then his voice cuts through the calm, oddly quiet. There's something hanging on every word that I can't quite figure out, but it feels almost depressing.

"One day you'll be honest with me... maybe even with yourself. I guess I just worry how long that will be. It's not just yourself that you're hurting. I wish you'd realize that."

My head snaps up and I meet his eyes, finding them full of that same sadness I ache so badly to take away. He looks away and I shift slowly out of the chair and slide down the wall next to him. "What do you mean?"

"You're lying to yourself. I've seen it in you for years, but it's almost unbearable when I'm with you every single day. I just wish you'd let yourself do whatever it is that you need to do to make that look in your eyes go away. I'd help you, but your reaction always tells me you don't want my help." He turns his head and his brown eyes meet mine. "Will you let me help this time?"

I close my eyes for a moment and then open them again, finding him still looking at me. "I'd let you help, if you could. But there's only so much a friend can do, and this just isn't one of those things." I look away, ashamed of myself for not being able to come up with something to make him feel at least a little better about this. I've hurt him and I can't take that back. "I... I'm sorry." I feel like an asshole. He offers his help and all I can do is turn him away. But wouldn't it be worse to make something up to have him help me with? After all, he hates dishonesty more than anything. That and I'd be betraying myself and everything that I'm grappling to deal with.

His hand finds mine and he gently pats it before pulling away. "You know... after all this time I would have thought that you'd understand you can come to me with anything. There's nothing that you could say that I'd turn you away for. I'm here for you no matter what and it hurts so much when you won't tell me what's eating you up inside. I know that sounds pathetic, but I worry about you, Yukke, I really do."

I can actually feel tears burning at the back of my eyes. I know that's unmanly and twice as pathetic as anything Tatsuro thinks he just said, but I can't help but be overly emotional when it comes to him. My voice comes out all choked up and I know he can't have missed the emotion that lies so thick in it. "Not this. For this, you'd despise me. For this... you'd leave the band or kick me out."

He pulls in a harsh breath and whips his head up to stare at me. "Never! How can you possibly think anything you could say would cause that reaction from me?"

I say nothing and he's silent for a minute before he shakes his head and resumes staring at the opposite wall. "Yukke... I just want the truth. I need to know if what I feel from you is what's really going on or not. I feel like I'm losing my mind and beginning to see and feel things that aren't real." He sighs and it's not a sound of anger or sadness, but rather, one of frustration. "I... I'll come right out and say it if I have to, but I'd rather you be the one to say it."

Fear knots itself deep in my abdomen and it's all I can do to simply stay put. I feel like running off and hiding away from everything he could possibly think he sees or feels from me. What if he already knows the truth? But then, if he knows already... why is he not angry with me? Maybe he's just really accepting, even in this aspect of his life. It'd be so much like Tatsuro to simply accept whatever is thrown at him and move on without even batting an eyelash at it.

Still, even if that's the case, I can't risk spilling out something that he might not already know. How incredibly awkward would that be for him? It would change things between us, and probably not for the better. I want to have hope that he feels how I do, but it's impossible.

My mind reels with all that I should be feeling, rather than what I do; with thoughts of every girl I should be sexing up or at the very least shoving my tongue down their throats. But I've never been that way. Everything I do is so discrete and almost innocent. Don't get me wrong, I'm not anywhere near being a virgin. It's just that I'm... how should I put this, very vanilla. Maybe that's why Tatsuro attracts me so much. He's anything but vanilla. If he were an ice cream flavor, he'd be a scoop of everything blended together to make some kind of super flavor. I guess I just mean to say that he's everything I'm not... he's everything I want to be, or at least want to experience.

His voice echoes softly in the semi-darkness. "Are we alone in here?"

I nod, realizing only a moment later that he's not looking at me. "Yeah... we are."

"Good." He shifts so that he's straddling one of my legs and his hands are pressed against the wall by my head.

I stare up at him, thinking for sure I've finally gone bat-shit insane and this is all just in my head. Why the hell is he looking at me like that?! He can't possibly.... My thoughts get cut off short as he leans down and presses his lips firmly against mine. I can't think of anything but him; the feel of his smooth lips against me, the sensation of them moving ever so softly. And then his tongue sweeps across my bottom lip and I'm lost in a haze of Tatsuro-induced bliss.

I don't even care why he's doing this anymore. I just want more... oh god, so much more. I part my lips just enough to let him take it further if that's what he wants, but not enough to seem overly eager. His tongue slicks over my lower lip again and then dips briefly into my mouth, sliding against my own. My body trembles with the effort of holding back. I want so badly to kiss him back, but what if he's testing me?

Why do I worry so much? This is Tatsuro, one of my closest friends and my band mate, not some asshole trying to lure me into a trap. My hands seem to have a mind of their own, reaching out and coming to rest lightly upon his hips. I shift the angle of the kiss, allowing myself the pleasure of him, just this once. Even if it is some kind of experiment to get me to admit everything to him, I'm not sure I really care. At least I'll have this memory rather than nothing at all.

He licks lightly at my lips once more and then pulls back, just far enough to stop the kiss, but not enough to make me panic. His voice is low and possibly the sexiest I've ever heard it sound when he finally speaks. "Is this what you want, Yukke? Is it me?"

My body tenses and maybe I grip his hips too hard or something, because he immediately knows I'm in defensive mode.

He moves so that his hands are on my shoulders and he's actually damn near sitting on my leg. "Hey... calm down. I'm not trying to back you into a corner here. Really I'm not. I just need to know... please...."

I meet his eyes and they're so full of sadness. There's an ache deeper than anything I've ever seen burning deep inside of him and it takes hold of me, yanking me into turmoil. I have to get rid of that look. If nothing else, I have to do that. And only the truth can take it all away... replace it with another emotion. I look away for a minute and then look back at him, steeling myself for the aftershocks that my confession will inevitably bring. "I'm in love with you."

His lips part just enough for his tongue to dart out, briefly wetting his skin. There's no shock in his eyes, but the sadness sinks back behind other emotions rather than being the forefront of what I see. "You sound so sure of yourself when you say that..."

I blush and look away. "I know..."

"Then that's the truth? All of it?"

I swallow hard and shake my head. "No... that's just a fraction of it."

"Then the rest?"

"I want you. I need you. When I see you sad, it hurts me and I want to take all of that into myself to take it out of you. When we're together, I'm happiest. But most of all, I don't... I _can't_ disappoint you. So, if I have... forgive me." My voice shakes, giving away just how unsure of myself I am. I've never been one for confessions, so why it's all pouring out now, I fail to understand. I guess I just want him to know everything, not just some small part of it. I've been far too long in turmoil over this and now the floodgates have opened.

"You'll never disappoint me." His hand gently cups my cheek, forcing me to either close my eyes or look at him. I choose the later. "Do you have any idea how long I've waited on you to say all of this?"

I shake my head, thinking it's something tiny and insignificant in comparison to the truth. But then he opens his mouth and I realize he's known the truth longer than I have. "Years, Yukke. I've been waiting on you to realize the depth of what you've felt for me for what seems like forever. I've waited and waited, longing on the day when you'd finally stumble into the truth and come to me with it. But then I saw the change when you recognized what was going on, and yet you still never came. I wish like hell you had, because you're not the only one so unsure of yourself with this." His fingers ghost over my cheek and down to my neck, where his thumb lightly caresses my collarbone. "I've never been in this situation... wanting to be together with another man. But with you, it's different somehow. It doesn't matter that you're a guy. It only matters that you're everything I could ever want or need, all rolled into one caring, beautiful package."

My breath catches in my throat and I tug him closer. We're both silent for a while, just sitting there, arms around one another, comfortable in the silence of our confessions. I never saw it coming out like this. If I had, we'd have both been happier a long time ago; or at least the instant I actually identified what I was feeling.

His fingers slide down my side and I suddenly find every movement charged with sexuality. Even such an innocuous touch sends spikes of warmth shooting straight to my cock. I arch up, unable to control the reaction anymore than I can control the soft moan that leaves my lips at the exact same moment.

He doesn't even hesitate as he moves completely between my thighs and pulls my legs up to wrap around his waist. I can feel the warm length of his erection pressing against me through my jeans and I all but writhe against him. Gods, how I've needed this. His lips find mine and I kiss him back greedily. Every nerve ending in my body is telling me that this is how it should always be when you're with someone. And yet, I've never felt this needy before in my life.

He shifts his hands to the wall beside my head again and begins to slowly grind against me as he stares down into my eyes. I cling to him, seeming just as desperate as I feel as I let him do what he will. I'll take whatever he gives; as little or as much as that may be. His motions speed up and he's breathing heavily, letting out a low moan with each forward movement and I swear I can almost see his thoughts dancing in his eyes.

The bus door opens and this time I hear it. I let out a soft whimper and he presses his finger to my lips as he clears his throat. "Who is it?"

SATOchi's voice drifts back to us as he responds. "It's me."

I tense and Tatsuro's hand clamps over my mouth, already expecting the sound I almost let out.

"Can you uh... come back in-" he stares down at me for a moment, amusement sparkling in his eyes, "about half an hour?"

"Sure... but why?" Our drummer sounds so confused, his voice giving away that he honestly has no clue what he just walked in on.

"I'm... busy." Tatsuro coughs softly in an attempt to get his point across and I swear I can almost _feel_ SATOchi's inevitable blush from here.

"Oh. Sorry, sorry. I... I'll let Miya and Yukke know to stay away for a while too."

I can hear his footsteps retreat quickly and then the door slide shut.

Tatsuro chuckles as he removes his hand from my mouth. "Sorry if you didn't mind anyone else knowing, but I figured better safe than sorry. If you want to tell them later, we can. Just for now..." his lips brush against mine, "I don't particularly want to be interrupted by all the questions."

"Me either... but we can tell them later, if you're really comfortable with that." I surprise myself as the words come out. I'd have thought I'd be more secretive about this, seeing as how I'm supposed to be straight. But apparently I'd have thought wrong.

Tatsuro shifts against me and it's obvious he's still aroused. My own cock throbs in response and I buck my hips up. "Uhn... I want you so bad...."

His fingers slide through my blonde hair and he bites his lip a bit before shoving his other hand into his pocket and pulling out a small red square. He holds it up. "Who gets it?"

My heart beats faster as I stare at it. I close my eyes and remember every fantasy I've had in the past few months. Images of him moving above me, sweaty and aroused, fill my mind. A shudder rips through my body and I press myself harder against his groin. "You." The word slips past my lips, almost nothing more than a breathy moan, and I can barely believe I'm actually asking him to take me.

Almost immediately his fingers have found my belt and he's undoing it. He progresses to undoing my fly and then forces me to let him go as he tugs the blue material down my thighs and off my legs. He tosses it aside as though it's completely useless; which I suppose in this case, it is. A smirk finds his lips as he yanks my boxers off without so much as warning me.

I gasp in surprise, almost tempted to grab hold of the material and keep it. Inside, I'm afraid he'll hate what he sees and no longer want me. But a moment later it's clear that my fears are unfounded as he wraps his hand around my cock and begins to pump. My hips snap up hard against his hand and a soft cry falls from my lips. It's been so long since I've felt the touch of another, and oh sweet bliss, it feels so damn good!

It isn't long before he has me panting beneath him, my fingers grappling with his clothing in some half-minded attempt to get him out of them. His mouth presses heatedly against mine as he lets go of my cock and undoes the tie on his loose black pants. I can feel the material slide down his hips and then hear the slightly metallic ripping sound of him opening the condom.

I reach out between us blindly, desperate to feel him at least once before he's sheathed inside of the protecting rubber. He breaks the kiss the instant my fingers wrap around his burning hot length. His breath hisses out softly, but he doesn't make any attempt to stop me.

I let myself take the time to fully explore him, my fingers memorizing the shape and feel of his cock in my hands, the weight of his balls in my palm and, more than that, the way he tenses when I touch certain places. I slide one finger back behind his sac and gently rub at the tight ring of muscle.

He moans loudly, almost surprising me with the volume of it. But then, should I have expected anything less from our vocalist? He rocks his hips back on my finger, forcing the first third of my digit into him. His muscle spasms around me and his hands wrap tightly around my biceps.

I shift my other hand down and wrap it around his cock, slowly pumping him, enjoying how much different his feels from my own. His skin is so smooth and hot beneath my fingertips.

His hips jerk backwards and my finger slips the rest of the way into him. He groans and rocks back on it just a little; his cock jerking in my hand with each backward motion he makes. From the little experience I've had with myself, I know for sure I'm hitting that special spot inside of him. Did he know this spot existed or is this all foreign to him? Am I the first person to ever reach deep inside of him and cause him this intense pleasure? I cling to that hope as he stills and shudders slightly.

"Fuck... I can't keep this up or I'll cum."

I'm torn between wanting him to cum while my finger's buried deep within him versus wanting him to cum while his cock's inside of me. My selfish side takes over and I slip my finger out of him and lean back, spreading my thighs in invitation. "Fuck me, then."

He moves faster than I though he possibly could, slipping the condom on and then ramming three fingers into his mouth. As he pulls them back from his lips, they glisten in the dim light, slicked with his saliva. I watch in fascination as he lowers his hand down to me. He trails one finger over my entrance and then shoves one finger into me. I gasp and he immediately twists his finger in just the right direction to brush my prostate. My cock jumps as my muscles tense and I let out a soft cry.

"Do you like that?"

I nod almost over-enthusiastically and buck my hips down hard, trying to find that feeling again. He lets me have it a few more times before adding a second finger and thrusting them both in and out harshly. I let out a string of curses in English as my head falls back against the wall with a dull thud.

He fucks me with his fingers until enough pre-cum has beaded at the tip of my cock that the droplet spills over and begins the slow trek down my engorged length.

He yanks his fingers from me and quickly rolls on the rubber. I watch him from beneath veiled lids, a small smirk dancing across my lips as I note that the condom is deep red in color. And then he's over me, his body so close to mine; closer than I ever believed I'd ever get to him. I fist my hands in his shirt as he presses his cock against my entrance.

I can't help but tense as he presses himself into me. I know I should relax; that it'll be easier if I relax, but I can't. Searing pain rips through me and I let out a half-scream. I immediately let go of his shirt with one hand and clamp it over my mouth. Shit... what if someone heard and is going to come to investigate? What if I've ruined everything because I'm a total pansy when it comes to pain?

I let out a whimper as he presses just a little more of himself into me, and then a choked sob as he sheathes himself fully inside of my walls. My muscles spasm frantically around him, desperately trying to expel something so foreign. How can the body be in such opposition to the mind? I want this... I want him. And yet, my body is protesting, trying to reject the man I love from within me.

Tears slowly leak from the corners of my eyes as I clamp my muscles as hard as I can, wanting them to stop trying to push him away.

His fingers wrap around me and only now do I realize that I've gone limp from the pain. Ever so slowly, he coaxes me back into arousal, not ever moving an inch inside of me. I relax into his touch, letting my hand drop away from my mouth as I begin to gasp for breath at every touch.

He flicks his wrist a certain way and my hips snap up hard. I gasp as his cock slips halfway out of me and he moans low in his throat. I lower myself as carefully as I can, allowing his length to slip back inside of me.

He leans in and kisses me, distracting me as he shifts us so that he can move better. His fingers are still laced around me, pumping in time with every push of his hips. It isn't long before I'm trembling beneath him, letting out breathy little moans of pleasure. His length no longer feels foreign within me. Instead, it feels like we belong together, like I was built to have him inside of me like this.

His grip on my cock tightens and his pace picks up. "Fuck... Yukke...." He lets out a moan worthy of a porn star and I can't help but reply with one of my own. I all but lose my mind as he begins to slam into me.

All I can see is him, moving above me, the look on his face telling me that I'm all that exists to him right now. All I can hear is his voice as it echoes in my mind and the wet sound of our bodies slapping against one another. All I can feel is the pleasure he's giving me, the feel of his warmth within me, and the press of his body over mine. All I can think is how much I love him and that I want this to last forever.

All I can do is cling to the edges of my sanity as I fall over the edge just seconds before him. My warm release splashes across my chest as my cock throbs between us. I can feel even more heat inside of me and then his cock twitches within me. I let out a soft cry that mingles with his moan of my name.

Far too soon he's drawing back, carefully letting go of me and removing the condom, discarding it into a nearby grocery bag. He tugs up his pants and ties them back before moving to hand me my clothing.

I stare up at him, sadness tingeing my earlier euphoria. I just can't seem to keep up with him. Why does he look like someone's killed his cat? Why do I feel like he's pulling away from me? More than all of that, why the fuck am I letting him?

Abruptly, I reach out and yank him back down on me, clinging to him with all my might. I won't let go... I can't let go. I let out the most pathetic little sound as tears form in my eyes, glossing over the world in a sheen of pain. He can't possibly regret this already! No... god no!

He shifts and then his arms are around me, holding me close as he pulls me into his lap. His lips brush over my shoulder and his grip on me increases. "Don't, Yukke. I'm not leaving."

"T-then why...?" I can't keep my voice from trembling.

"SATOchi and Miya will probably be back soon. I don't want them to see you and I in what should be our most private moments." He pulls back a little and I let him, my sadness fading and leaving me feeling silly. Why would I think he'd leave like that? Do I really have so little trust for the one I love so dearly?

But then, it's not that, is it? I'm so unsure of myself in this that I just assume the worst no matter what. I sigh softly and bow my head. "I... I thought-"

He cuts me off, sympathy evident in his voice. "That I was going to leave you. That I regretted what I'd done. That I didn't mean a word I said earlier. But you're wrong. I'm not leaving, I don't regret this at all, and I meant everything I said." His arms tighten possessively around me and then he lets go. "Now get your boxers on, because I'm not letting the others see you completely naked."

I grab them from the floor and yank them back up my legs, wincing as I have to move to pull them further up. I lean back against him once I've gotten my jeans up my legs and just rest there for a moment. "It hurts..."

His hands move mine out of the way and he pulls my pants the rest of the way up and then closes them as he speaks. "I know, and I'm sorry. I do regret hurting you like that...."

I shake my head as I cuddle up against him. "Don't."

He holds me against him so gently. It's like he knows just what I want and when. It might seem girly of me, but I want him to hold me close like this. I need him to show me that he's not afraid of the others seeing us like this. I close my eyes and just let myself drift off into wonderland. It's been years since I've felt like this, since I've been able to truly relax around anyone.

The bus door opens and SATOchi's voice drifts back to us. "Uh... Tatsuro? Can I come in yet?"

"Yeah...." I notice that he sounds sleepy and for once there's no undertone of unhappiness in his voice. A smile touches my lips and remains as I listen to our band mate ascend the stairs.

A soft gasp of surprise leaves our drummer's lips and I open my eyes to find him staring wide-eyed down at us. I move just enough to peer up at Tatsuro and find that he's trying hard not to grin. My eyes find SATOchi once more and he smiles as he starts to walk away.

He pauses a few steps away and I can hear the acceptance in his voice when he speaks. "Well, good for you both. It's about damn time you're happy."

I find Tatsuro's hand and grip it tightly as I lay my head back against him and close my eyes again. "Mmm... Tatsuro-bed, so comfortable..." I feel so tired and all I really want is to hold on to him forever and never let go.

His fingers tighten around mine and I know I'm not alone. With him in my life, I'll never be alone ever again. And _that_ is truly the best damn thing I could ever hope for.


End file.
